You Don’t Need Closure from Someone Who Abused You

Let’s just go ahead and say it:
You’re not getting the apology.
Not the real one.
Not the one that admits what they did, validates your pain, and gives you the emotional release you’ve been waiting for.

You’re not going to hear,
“I’m sorry for manipulating you.”
“I knew what I was doing when I gaslit you.”
“I made you question your sanity to control you.”

You will not get that.
Not because you’re unworthy of it—because they are incapable of giving it.

So what now?
You stop waiting. You stop hoping. You stop begging the same person who broke you to also be the one who heals you.

And instead, you build your own damn closure.

Let’s talk about how.

The Closure Myth (a.k.a. The Lie That Keeps You Stuck)

We've been sold a lie in the name of healing:
That closure is something you get from the person who hurt you.
That healing is somehow incomplete unless they own what they did.

But when you're dealing with someone emotionally abusive, narcissistic, or high-conflict?
You’re not dealing with someone who can give you closure.
Because closure requires:

• Accountability
  
  

• Empathy
  
  

• The ability to sit with the damage they caused without spinning it to make themselves the victim
  
  

And you already know, they don't do that.
They rewrite the story. They minimize. They project.
They’ll say, “You were dramatic,” or “You made me act that way,” or the classic:
“I’m sorry you feel that way.”

Girl, that’s not closure. That’s manipulation with a polite tone.

Why We Crave It (Even When We Know Better)

You’re not weak for wanting closure. You’re human.

You want:

• The truth
  
  

• The validation that your pain was real
  
  

• Proof you weren’t “crazy”
  
  

• Permission to move on
  
  

But let’s be honest:
Most of the time, closure is a last-ditch hope that maybe, just maybe, he’ll finally see your worth.

And that’s not about healing. That’s about unfinished trauma.
You’re still waiting for someone else to give you permission to be free.

You don’t need it.

Closure Doesn’t Come From Them. It Comes From You

Let’s reframe this once and for all:

Closure isn’t something you receive. It’s something you decide.

You don’t need his apology to heal.
You don’t need him to understand your pain for it to matter.
You don’t need him to admit what he did for it to be real.

You can close the door all by yourself, and lock it behind you.

Here’s how:

5 Steps to Build Your Own Damn Closure (No Apology Required)

1. Name What You Wanted and Grieve It

Closure often hides a deeper truth: you’re mourning what never happened.
The love that never felt safe.
The protection that never came.
The version of him that only existed in your hopes.

Write it down:
“I wanted him to…”
“I thought we would…”
“I needed him to be…”

Mourn that version. Say goodbye to what should’ve been—but never really was.

2. Cut the Fantasy Loop

Your brain will try to recreate closure by imagining the perfect apology.
You’ll daydream that he finally gets it. Shows up. Cries. Confesses.

But that keeps you emotionally attached to someone who’s not safe.

Instead of replaying the fantasy, rewrite the ending:
“He doesn’t apologize, but I still walk away whole.”

3. Say What You Wish You Could Say (Privately)

Don’t send it.
Just write it. Speak it into a voice note. Burn it if you want to.

Get it out:

• The rage
  
  

• The heartbreak
  
  

• The confusion
  
  

• The “you don’t get to do this to me again”
  
  

This isn’t for him.
It’s for you, to stop carrying all the unspoken truth in your chest like a weight.

4. Validate Your Own Damn Experience

You don’t need a second opinion to confirm what you lived through.

If it hurt you, it was real.
If it broke you down, it was valid.
If it left you traumatized, it counts.

You don’t need someone else’s guilt to validate your truth.
Your clarity is enough.

Bonus support: The UNLEASHED course starts with Lesson 1: “What You Survived Was Abuse. Now We Name It.” If you’re still questioning yourself, that’s where to begin.

5. Create a Closure Ritual (On Your Terms)

You don’t need his participation to close this chapter.

Try:

• Writing a letter and burning it
  
  

• Deleting old photos and messages
  
  

• Removing his number from your phone
  
  

• Playing the song that got you through and dancing it out
  
  

• Saying, out loud, “I release this. I reclaim me.”
  
  

Make it a ceremony, not a breakdown.

Because this isn’t just the end of him, it’s the beginning of you.

You Don’t Need His Words to Be Free

Closure isn’t a door he holds open for you.
It’s the moment you realize: You were never locked in to begin with.

You were just waiting.
For him to change. For the truth to be recognized.
For the past to stop haunting you.

But now? You see it for what it was.
And you walk out, not because he set you free, but because you refused to stay stuck any longer.

You’ve Got This and I’ve Got You

You’re not crazy for wanting answers.
But you’re powerful enough to stop needing them.

No more begging someone who hurt you to help you heal.
No more waiting for the apology that isn’t coming.

It’s your life now. Your voice. Your closure. Your freedom.

Take it.

Your Tools to Close the Chapter for Good:

• Start with the $9 Boundary Setting Blueprint and Toxic Text Decoder - your peace-protecting power duo. Grab them now
  
  

• Enroll in UNLEASHED: Your trauma-informed healing journey begins with naming what happened—and building the life they tried to erase. Exclusively offered through The BeYou Institute! Subscribe to TBEW email list for an exclusive promotional discount offer at BeYou (limited availability sign up today!!)
  

• Use the Closure Letter Prompt in your next journaling session to release what’s still stuck inside. (PDF download coming soon inside the TBEW Vault.)