You Didn’t Imagine It

Why survivors stay, how trauma bonds form, and how to break free without guilt

You weren’t “too sensitive.” You weren’t “overreacting.” You weren’t “crazy.”
You were trained, slowly, methodically, and often unconsciously, to tolerate the unthinkable.

Let’s name it:

• The silent treatments that made you beg for scraps of affection
  
  

• The manipulation that twisted your instincts against you
  
  

• The way your reality was so consistently denied that you started to doubt your own memory
  
  

This isn’t drama.
This isn’t exaggeration.
This is abuse.

And if you’re reading this, you’re probably somewhere in the wreckage trying to understand why it hurts so much when he was the one who did the damage. You’re not alone, and you're not broken. You're waking up.

Let’s talk about it, raw, real, and without apology.

Abuse Doesn’t Start Loud. It Starts in Disguise

Most women don’t fall for monsters. They fall for men who act like soulmates, until they slowly start to erase them.

That’s the trick of covert abuse.
It’s not bruises. It’s the emotional erosion. The way he love-bombed you with intensity, then disappeared. How he made you feel seen, special, chosen, then slowly chipped away at your confidence until you questioned everything, especially yourself.

Here's the truth:
You didn’t imagine it.
You were trained to see neglect as normal.
To see cruelty as love.
To take responsibility for his chaos.
To stay.

Trauma Bonds: Why You Stayed (Even When It Hurt Like Hell)

Let’s get into the psychology. Because this wasn’t just emotional confusion, it was nervous system hijacking.

What’s a trauma bond?
It’s a psychological trap formed by repeated cycles of abuse and intermittent “kindness.” Think:

• Abuse → Apology
  
  

• Neglect → Attention
  
  

• Criticism → Crumbs of praise
  Every high felt like relief. Every low made you work harder to get the love back. Your body got addicted to the rollercoaster. This isn’t weakness. It’s neurochemistry. It’s survival mode.

The longer you’re in it, the harder it is to leave. You start believing:

• “Maybe it is my fault.”
  
  

• “He’s hurting too, he just needs help.”
  
  

• “I just have to love him better.”
  
  

STOP.
His wounds are not your responsibility. Your healing is.

Guilt Is Not a Signal You’re Wrong. It’s a Sign You’re Rewiring

Every time you set a boundary, speak your truth, or even think about leaving, you probably felt it: guilt. Shame. Doubt. That voice whispering,
“Who do you think you are?”

You’ve been conditioned to associate self-protection with selfishness. But that guilt? That’s not a sign you’re doing the wrong thing—it’s a sign you’re breaking free from the programming.

Reframe it:
That inner resistance isn’t truth. It’s just an old wound being activated.
And healing doesn’t always feel empowering, it often feels terrifying at first.

The 5-Step Break-Free Strategy (For Real, Lasting Change)

You don’t just walk away and magically feel healed. But you can break the cycle. Here's how:

1. Name the Abuse (Don’t Sugarcoat It)

Call it what it was. Not “complicated.” Not “toxic.” Not “hard times.”
It was abuse.

Make a list of everything that crossed your boundaries, broke your spirit, or made you feel unsafe. Seeing it in black and white stops the mind games.

2. Cut the Confusion Loop

Stop analyzing his behavior. Stop trying to make it make sense.
Abuse doesn’t make sense because it’s designed to keep you confused.
Your job now isn’t to decode him, it’s to come back to you.

TOOLKIT SUPPORT:
Download The Toxic Text Decoder to get actual scripts for when he tries to drag you back in.

3. Get in Community (The Right One)

Isolation keeps you stuck. But not everyone “gets it.”
Find support that validates your experience and helps you take your power back. You need people who don’t tell you to “just forgive” or “see his side.”
You need truth-tellers and trauma-informed support.

JOIN: Our free private group is a safe space to connect with other women who’ve walked through the same fire.

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4. Rewire Your Body from Survival Mode

Healing isn’t just mindset. It’s nervous system regulation.
Try:

• Daily grounding (even 5 minutes barefoot on the earth)
  
  

• Breathwork for emotional release
  
  

• Somatic journaling (write what your body feels, not just your thoughts)
  
  

UNLEASHED SUPPORT: Module 2 of UNLEASHED is all about rewiring your nervous system after abuse. If you don’t know where to start, that’s where.

5. Build Boundaries That Actually Hold

This is where your old programming might fight you hard.
But boundaries are the bridge between the version of you he created, and the version of you who gets to live free.

Set them. Enforce them. Feel the fear and hold the line anyway.

Start with The Boundary Setting Blueprint, a $9 workbook that teaches you how to set and enforce boundaries even with the most manipulative ex.

Let’s Burn the Shame and Rebuild Something Better

You don’t owe anyone an explanation for why you stayed.
You don’t need permission to leave.
You don’t need his validation to rebuild.

What you need now is your own radical self-belief.

You were trained to tolerate the unthinkable. But now you get to retrain your life to reflect your worth.

You’ve Got This and I’ve Got You.

You’re not crazy. You’re waking up.
You’re not weak. You’re healing.
You’re not alone. You’re a Better Ex-Wife in the making.

Let’s rebuild your story on your own damn terms.

Ready to take the next step?

• Download The Better Ex-Wife Toolkit: 4 low-cost digital tools to help you set boundaries, decode manipulation, and protect your peace. Explore everything in the Toolkit here
  

  Join the UNLEASHED Waitlist: My 8-week trauma-informed healing program for women ready to rebuild, reclaim, and rise.