Rebuilding After an Abusive Relationship: Where the Hell Do I Even Start?

You left. Or maybe he finally left you. Either way…
You’re free, but you feel more lost than ever.

One minute you’re proud as hell.
The next you’re on the floor wondering if you made a mistake.
You want to rebuild, but you're drowning in shame, fear, confusion, and a thousand decisions no one taught you how to make.

And while the world expects you to “move on” and “be grateful it’s over,” they don’t see the wreckage.
The emotional, mental, financial, spiritual chaos he left behind.

Let’s talk about it.
Let’s burn the timeline.
Let’s get real about what it takes to start over after surviving an abusive relationship.

Why Rebuilding Feels So Damn Hard

Because this wasn’t just a breakup.
It was a slow-motion psychological takedown.
You weren’t just in love, you were manipulated, isolated, gaslit, and trained to ignore your own voice.

So when it ends, what’s left?

• Your identity? Shattered.
  
  

• Your confidence? Nonexistent.
  
  

• Your nervous system? Fried.
  
  

• Your support system? Maybe gone, maybe toxic, maybe still siding with him.
  
  

This isn’t just “starting over.”
This is resurrection.

The Truth They Don’t Tell You About Healing

You will not wake up one day and feel like a brand new woman.
You will not feel ready when it’s time to make a change.
You will not always believe in yourself, even as you take the next step.

Healing doesn’t feel empowering at first.
It feels like grief. Like rage. Like confusion.
It feels like crawling out of a life that wasn’t yours but became your prison.

And that’s okay.
Because you don’t need to feel ready. You just need to keep going.

The 7-Part Rebuild Plan (For When You’re Starting From Rock Bottom)

1. Clean the Emotional Wreckage

Before you can rebuild, you’ve got to clear what’s been rotting in your soul.

Try this:

• Write down every lie he made you believe about yourself
  
  

• Burn it. Rip it. Shred it.
  
  

• Replace each lie with one brutal, beautiful truth (even if you don’t believe it yet)
  
  

Example:
Lie: I’m hard to love.
Truth: I was taught to shrink for someone who couldn’t meet me.

2. Break the Trauma Bond for Real

Missing him isn’t a sign you should go back.
It’s a symptom of addiction.

The highs, the lows, the apologies, the emotional chaos, it’s chemical.

Reprogram your brain to stop craving the pain.

• Go No Contact
  
  

• Journal through the withdrawal
  
  

• Use affirmations daily (not the fluffy kind, the ones that rewire your survival instincts)
  
  

UNLEASHED Module 2 & 4 walk you through this step-by-step. Start there if you’re stuck.

3. Create a New Environment (Even If You Can’t Move Yet)

Your space matters.
If you're still surrounded by things that remind you of him, your nervous system will stay on edge.

Do this:

• Rearrange your space
  
  

• Throw out objects that carry old energy
  
  

• Light a candle and say out loud: This space belongs to me now.
  
  

Small shifts = big energetic change.

4. Set Micro-Boundaries and Enforce Them

You’re rebuilding self-trust. That starts with boundaries, even tiny ones.

Try:

• Turning your phone off after 8 PM
  
  

• Saying “No” without explaining yourself
  
  

• Unfollowing or muting toxic accounts online
  
  

• Creating a “no self-abandonment” rule (If it doesn’t feel good in your gut, it’s a no)
  
  

The Boundary Setting Blueprint gives you copy-paste scripts and a personalized plan for doing this without the guilt spiral.

5. Reconnect to the You That Got Buried

Before him… you had dreams. Desires. Style. Music you loved. Art you made. Goals you shelved.
Let’s bring her back.

Ask:

• “What did I love before I was in survival mode?”
  
  

• “What did I stop doing to keep the peace?”
  
  

• “What kind of life do I crave now that I’m allowed to want again?”
  
  

You don’t need a 5-year plan. You just need one spark. One move. One sacred yes.

6. Get Support That Gets It

Not everyone is equipped to walk this road with you.
Some people will gaslight your healing. Some will minimize it. Some will trigger you without meaning to.

Find support that validates your truth.

• A trauma-informed coach
  
  

• A survivor community
  
  

• A therapist who understands abuse dynamics (not just “relationship issues”)
  
  

• Or join a program like UNLEASHED, where the entire space is designed for you
  
  

7. Celebrate the Sh*t Out of Every Win

You washed your hair today? Victory.
You told a friend “I’m not okay” instead of pretending? Power move.
You blocked his number and didn’t check if he called? You’re unstoppable.

This journey is made of small moments.
Claim them. Name them. Honor them.
Healing is not linear, but it is happening.

You’ve Got This and I’ve Got You

You don’t need a perfectly color-coded plan to rebuild your life.
You just need one courageous step at a time.

So if you’re asking: “Where the hell do I even start?”
Start right here:

• With your breath.
  
  

• With your truth.
  
  

• With the fire in your belly that says I deserve more than this.
  
  

Your new life doesn’t start when he apologizes.
It starts when you decide you’re done being small.

And babe, you’re done.