Healing in Public When He’s Still Lying in Private

Because sometimes the hardest part isn’t surviving the abuse, it’s surviving the smear campaign that follows.

Let me tell you something no one warns you about:

Leaving an abusive relationship doesn’t always mean the abuse stops.

Sometimes, it just goes underground.

He stops blowing up your phone.
He stops yelling in the kitchen.
He stops threatening divorce (because you beat him to it).

And then suddenly he’s the victim.
To the group chat. To the new supply.
To his family.
To the court. To social media where he’s posting about parental alienation and how he was the subject of abuse
To mutual friends who only ever saw your curated smiles.

Meanwhile, you’re healing in real time, messy, raw, often ugly
And he’s spinning a story behind the scenes that makes him look like the one who barely made it out alive.

This is what healing looks like when the lies don’t stop just because you did.

He’s Not Just Lying, He’s Rebranding

He’s not “moving on.”
He’s rebranding himself as the misunderstood ex. The one who tried so hard but just couldn’t get through to his “unstable” wife.

What he’s really saying:

• “She always had issues.”

• “I did everything I could.”

• “She just snapped one day and left.” “She’s trying to turn people against me.”

• “She’s not over it. That’s why she’s still talking about it.”

And worst of all?
Some people believe him.
Because manipulation doesn’t stop when the marriage ends.

Why It Hurts So Damn Much

Because while he’s putting on a performance, you’re in recovery.

You’re:

• Rebuilding your nervous system

• Raising your kids solo

• Learning how to breathe without walking on eggshells

• Grieving a life that never matched the fantasy you sold yourself

• Trying to explain what happened to people who still say, “But he seems so nice”

You’re doing the work.
He’s doing PR.

And that contrast? Feels like betrayal all over again.

The Smear Campaign Is Strategic

This is not random. This is not “just venting.”

Smear campaigns are a form of post-separation abuse.
They serve three purposes:

1. To damage your credibility

If people believe his version, your truth becomes “too emotional,” “exaggerated,” or “confused.”

2. To isolate you from your support system

He tells his story first, so by the time you speak up, they’ve already picked a side.

3. To maintain control through perception

If he can’t control you anymore, he’ll try to control how others see you.

This isn’t about truth. It’s about image management.

You Don’t Owe Anyone Your Pain in a Pretty Package

Let me say this loud for the women in the back:

You don’t have to make your healing palatable for people who swallowed his lies without asking for a single receipt.

You don’t have to explain why you left.
You don’t have to justify why you stayed.
You don’t have to give a press conference about the abuse.

Your survival is your testimony.
Your healing is your proof.

And if people can’t hold space for your truth without needing it to be pretty?
Let them go.

How to Heal While He Lies

1. Stop trying to “set the record straight” with people who benefit from believing him.

If someone wants to believe his version, no amount of facts will change their mind.
And it’s not your job to convince them. It’s your job to protect your peace.

2. Let silence be your strategy.

Not because you’re weak, but because your life is your loudest evidence.
Every time you post a truth, build a business, raise your babies, protect your peace. You’re proving them wrong without saying a word.

3. Document. Don’t debate.

Screenshots. Timelines. Emails. Journal entries.
Keep receipts for court, custody, co-parenting.
But don’t waste your emotional energy trying to prove anything to the group chat.

4. Tell your story when you’re ready, on your terms.

If and when you speak publicly, let it be for your healing, not for revenge.
Write the post. Share the podcast. Publish the blog.
But don’t make it about him. Make it about you.

You’ve Got This and I’ve Got You

He can lie in private all he wants.
He can spin it to his mama. His boys. His new girlfriend.
Let him write his fantasy.

You’re living your truth.

The people who matter will notice.
The people who don’t? Will fall away, and that’s protection, not loss.

Keep healing.
Keep rising.
Keep shining in a way that exposes every lie without you having to say a word.

Because the truth always makes its way to the surface.
And when it does?

You’ll already be free