The Loneliness of Starting Over

Starting over sounds empowering in theory. The fresh start, the clean slate, the opportunity to build something better—it’s all incredibly motivating. But there’s a part of starting over that no one really talks about: the loneliness. The kind of loneliness that creeps in late at night, or hits you in a room full of people who don’t really understand what you’re going through.

For me, starting over came after profound loss—the death of my mom and my son, and the end of a toxic marriage. It was a crossroads where everything familiar fell away, and I had to figure out who I was without all the roles and routines that had defined me. While it was liberating in some ways, it was also deeply isolating. I wasn’t just rebuilding a life; I was rebuilding me.

Here’s what I’ve learned about the loneliness of starting over and how to navigate it:

It’s Okay to Feel the Weight of It

Starting over isn’t all inspiration boards and motivational quotes. It’s raw. It’s messy. And yes, it’s lonely. Friends and family may not fully understand what you’re going through, and you may feel disconnected from the life you once knew. Allow yourself to sit with those feelings. They’re valid and acknowledging them is the first step to moving forward.

Find Comfort in Solitude

Loneliness doesn’t always have to feel like an empty void. It can be an opportunity to reconnect with yourself. Spend time exploring who you are now, outside of the relationships or circumstances that shaped your past. Journaling, meditation, or even just quiet walks can help you rediscover the parts of yourself that got buried beneath the chaos.

Seek Out Like-Minded People

One of the hardest things about starting over is feeling like no one gets it. But the truth is, there are so many people out there who are navigating their own fresh starts. Whether it’s joining a support group, connecting with an online community, or reaching out to a coach or mentor, surrounding yourself with people who do understand can make all the difference.

Let Go of the Timeline

There’s no set schedule for healing, growing, or rebuilding. It’s easy to feel pressure to have it all figured out, but starting over is a process. Be gentle with yourself. Celebrate the small wins and know that progress, no matter how slow, is still progress.

Remember, You’re Not Alone

Even in the loneliest moments, you’re not truly alone. Others have walked this path, and there’s a community waiting to cheer you on. And if you’re reading this, let me be the first to say: I see you. I understand how hard it is. And I know you have the strength to create something beautiful from the pieces you’re holding.

Starting over isn’t easy, and the loneliness can feel overwhelming at times. But it’s also an opportunity to reconnect with yourself, to build a life that truly reflects who you are, and to surround yourself with people who celebrate your journey. The loneliness is a chapter—not the whole story. And your story? It’s just beginning.