Holding On Through the Holidays

The holidays have a way of shining a spotlight on everything we’re feeling—joy, love, connection, but also grief, pain, and loneliness. For so many years, the holidays were anything but merry or bright for me. They were heavy, filled with sorrow and a longing for what I had lost. Losing my mom and my son within five months of each other left a hole in my heart that felt impossible to fill. Layered on top of that grief was the weight of an abusive and toxic marriage, making it hard to find joy even for my living children.

For years, I struggled to keep going through the motions of holiday cheer, but my heart just wasn’t in it. It felt like everyone around me was celebrating while I was stuck in a storm of pain and grief, unable to catch my breath. If you’re feeling something similar this holiday season, I want you to know this: you’re not alone.

It’s Okay to Not Be Merry or Bright

There’s a lot of pressure during the holidays to put on a happy face, to act like everything is fine for the sake of tradition or the people around us. But let’s get one thing straight: it’s not reasonable—or fair—to expect anyone to force themselves to be “merry” or “bright” when their heart is breaking. If you’re grieving, struggling, or simply feeling overwhelmed this season, it’s okay to acknowledge that.

The best gift you can give yourself right now is permission to feel what you feel. You don’t owe anyone an explanation for your emotions, and you certainly don’t have to force yourself into holiday cheer just to meet someone else’s expectations.

Be Extra Kind to Yourself

When your heart is hurting, self-compassion is not just important—it’s essential. Here are a few ways you can be extra kind to yourself this holiday season:

1. Set Boundaries: If certain events or traditions feel too overwhelming, it’s okay to say no. Protect your energy and prioritize what feels right for you.

2. Create New Traditions: Sometimes, breaking away from old routines can help ease the pain. Consider starting new traditions that bring comfort and honor your feelings.

3. Allow Yourself to Grieve: Grief doesn’t take a holiday, and it’s okay to let yourself feel the weight of your loss. Whether it’s through journaling, talking to a trusted friend, or simply sitting with your emotions, give yourself the space to process.

4. Find Moments of Joy Where You Can: Even in the darkest times, there are small moments of light. Maybe it’s a favorite holiday song, a cozy blanket, or the sound of your children’s laughter. Let those little things remind you that joy can exist alongside grief.

This Year, I’m Free

For the first time in many years, I feel the lightness of freedom. I’m no longer weighed down by a toxic marriage. I’ve done the hard work of healing, and while the grief of losing my mom and my son will always be a part of me, it no longer defines me. This year, I am happy—truly happy—and it’s a feeling I never thought I’d experience again.

If you’re in a place of pain right now, please know that it won’t always feel this way. Healing is possible. Freedom is possible. Happiness is possible. It may not come quickly or easily, but it is worth every step you take to get there.

Keep Holding On

The holidays can be incredibly difficult, but they can also be a time of reflection and renewal. If you’re hurting this season, I encourage you to be gentle with yourself. Take things one moment at a time, lean on your support system, and remember that it’s okay to not have it all together.

Grief and joy can coexist. Pain and healing can walk hand in hand. And while this season may feel heavy, brighter days are ahead. Keep holding on. Your story isn’t over yet—it’s just beginning.